I was born and raised in Portland, Oregon. Of the 28 years I have walked this earth, the first 18 1/2 were spent in the Rose City. Then came a year in Wisconsin, four in rural Kansas, and the final 5.5 in Kansas City, Kansas.

Last week was the first time in my life where I felt dissonance when I was asked where I called "home". We were introducing ourselves to a guest lecturer in class, and as my turn approached to make my first impressions I could not decide exactly what to say.

On the one hand, I love the PDX. Always have. The culture is woven into my DNA, and I will never loose my West Coast swagger. I sport my Blazer's apparel, I check The Oregonian's website twice each day, and I have a solid majority of my coffee imported from roastaries from the homeland.

And yet, recent events make me wonder if I have slowly been infiltrated into the ranks of the Midwesterner.

Exhibit A: Culinary Tastes
We all know that I love barbecue. In fact, I have a five year plan that pertains solely to meat. This past weekend I had the opportunity to tick off a very important task on said plan. Along with the two core members of my start-up barbecue team, I became a certified barbecue judge in the eyes of the Kansas City Barbecue Society. Such certification does not come without great personal sacrifice. I had to endure a 4.5 hour class, which included two hours of tasting and judging meat. But as everyone would agree, you can never have too much preparation when it comes to judging meat. It's a sacrifice I am willing to make.

Exhibit B: Rooting Interests
I am now a Kansas City Royals season ticket holder. Crazy, I know. I'm just such a sucker for a good deal. So when the Royals offered up 2-for-1 season tickets I couldn't pass it up. According to my computations, I could sell most of the seats on craigslist for a slight markup, sell some to my friends for the price I paid, go to a handful of games and break even. Not a bad deal. Stacy and I finally made it out to a game on Saturday and picked up our powder blue season ticket holder hats. I shall wear it proudly, with my powder blue noggin held high.
Fortunately, I have a lot of experience rooting for young up-and-coming teams that are not held in high esteem by national sports audiences. Until this year, rooting for the Blazers hasn't exactly been an uplifting experience. I anticipate better days ahead for both squads, however. Ahhhhh. The eternal optimism of a true fan.

There isn't really a sure-fire standard for determining a hometown. The best thing I could think of is to figure out if people in the town you live would vote for you. If they see you as one of them, then you can consider your location a hometown. But if you are an outsider, then you have either been gone too long, or you are a johhny come lately.

And it is with that thought that I would like to simultaneously announce my candidacy for Kansas's seat in the US House or Representatives for the 3rd congressional district, as well as for the seat representing the 3rd district for the State of Oregon. Whichever state gives me the most votes will be considered my home state.

If I actually manage to win both races, then I will initiate a hostile takeover of Wyoming which will allow me to start a new state. Orsas. Unless I decide Kanegon sounds better.Bring it on, Dennis Moore and Earl Blumenauer.

Clearly, the main problem with taking three weeks off from blogging is that I get waaaaaaay too sassy.

Fair Dinkum