Kids, kids, kids.

Please believe everything you see on TV. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that. Everything that happens on the tele is clearly scientifically factual. If you try to verify what you see on the boob tube, you will undoubtedly get burned. Or frozen.

My heart sunk on yesterday when I saw in the Kansas City Star that two boys had gotten their tongues stuck to a flagpole when they decided to verify the accuracy of the scene from The Christmas Story. As far as I'm concerned, they got what they deserved. They should have lived by faith.

Please spread the word to any kids you know. This is very important. If it isn't, why would it have been in Section A of the paper?

If history has taught us nothing else, which it hasn't, television is a venerable beacon of truth in this era of relativism. Thank you. That is all.

Fair Dinkum