Executed to Perfection

Category: By Christian
I went to the mall yesterday. All of your criticisms are valid. Idiot. Sellout. Whatever other critique you would like to lob. I'll take it. But just know this. I had a plan and I executed it to perfection.

Prior to this trip, I was able to avoid treks to the mall. But as we were preparing to celebrate with my family and Portland, we realized we had not yet picked up one of the items on our list. My sister just got married this past fall and then are moving into a house later this month, so we figured a Macy's gift card would be a helpful and practical gift for them as they settle into life.

The downside to easing myself into the Christmas Season, I found myself in need of a last-minute trip to Macy's.

There was an aspect to the trip that was selfish. Having made my pilgrimage to Portland, I'll be danged if I'm not going to make regular trips out into public to be baptized by the mists of my birth town. But if you are going to go hang with the homies, you have to be smart about it.

I started my journey by winding through the side streets to get to the mall. I was not going to allow myself to get stressed by traffic. So I enjoyed the scenic drive, which I ended by parking across the street from the mall in overflow parking. The short walk was nice, and I saved a ton of time by not jockeying for one of the precious few parking spaces that were actually available.

As I entered the store, I walked straight past the first few registers I saw. Housewares was packed. Women's clothing was ridiculous. As I sashayed my shifty hips past all of the people lined up deep in these sections I attempted to hold back a smirk. Eventually, it stretched across my lips and I cot a little cocky. As I passed a guy who was standing with his wife at the tail end of a long line, I whispered into his ear. "Rookie". It wasn't very nice, but as my plan unfolded I couldn't help but to allow the pride line up.

With my target in sight I felt my pace quicken. I turned a corner, and was finally back in the men's suit section. I rightly assumed that (a) not many men would be returning suits the day after Christmas, (b) not many men would be purchasing suits the day after Christmas and (c) most shoppers would be so flustered by the frenzy of shopping that they would lose their sensibilities and not have the same foresight I had. Right, right and right. I stood in line at the register for 90 seconds behind an elderly couple, and stepped up to my place at the front of the line to procure the gift.

All told, I made it from the car, to the store and back to my car in less than 15 minutes. Nothing like writing out the blueprint for success and watching it materialize right before your eyes.

Fair Dinkum

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